Budget Woes: An Awareness Problem?

I ran out of money this month. And last month.  And the one before that.  That’s really all I knew . . . until just yesterday when I sat down and actually did a budget.

What’s scary is how long I kept myself from knowing how much I actually owed on credit cards, lines of credit, and even how much I needed for basic monthly expenses that never change.  You see, I have this problem.  When money is coming in on a regular basis, I pay attention to the amounts, pay all the bills, and budget whatever I have for other things I want.

The problem arises when money is NOT coming in regularly.  Its at these times I tend to go unconscious. I stop entering stuff into the checkbook, and stop looking at the items on my credit card statement except for the minimum payment. My reasoning in the past has been – I’m going to borrow money to pay the bills – no matter what – so I’ll pay attention to the amounts when I have the money to pay them.  Tomorrow . . .

I also figured we would never starve because my wife has a good job.  And that’s true.  But the cost of my lack of consciousness has been huge. The conscious belief that “Universe will provide” suddenly clashed with some hidden decisions based on an inner feeling of lack and helplessness.

About a month ago, this Marley’s Ghost came back to haunt me big time.  The actual pain caught up to me when, after discussing the matter with my wife (who is very frugal and good with money, by the way) hit the ceiling.

I realized I had a problem, and promptly stopped.  Cold turkey.  No more credit cards.  I’m closing my line of credit and cutting up the cards.  I’m actually even writing down all my debts and expenses and working on a plan to PAY them!

With little money coming in, this is not easy.  But not knowing is deadly!!

My resolution is to do this budget thing the way I used to . . . with daily numbers, tracking expenses, using monthly budget envelopes for cash, cutting up the credit cards or LOC’s, and start tackling this mountain of debt.  For the latter, I’m focused on generating more income through my books and course, and with private sessions.

It will take time.  And dedication.  And the continued love and understanding of a fantastic mate.  And it WILL be done!