Self-Sabotage and Money Issues

Sunset in Key West: Happier Times?

I just found out I lied to my wife about money, and I really feel sick about it!

It wouldn’t be so bad, except that I see myself as this stand-up guy just dripping with integrity . . . (OK, that may sound a bit much, but something like that anyway).

Many months ago, my wife (the one with the real job) paid off a credit card debt and I promised that I wouldn’t generate more.  At the time, I fully intended to keep that promise.    In reality, I didn’t; I wrote a check on a line of credit we had in order to cover some (what I considered to be necessary) bills without consulting with her.  This was such a classic no-no that I even blocked the previous promise I made out of my memory!  I simply forgot my promise!!

My (not-so) evil twin (low self) apparently had made a hidden decision that our primary objective was to keep the bills paid.  The consequences are that I lost my feeling of integrity.  Now both I and my (no so) evil twin feel terrible; sick to my stomach, like my stomach just filled with bile . . .

As another consequence of this action, I made another promise to Brigitte to attend Debtors Anonymous meetings on a regular basis and we both signed up for Dave Ramsey classes, i.e., Financial Peace University. I want to strongly address this personal blind spot on a recurring basis in order to change the unconscious behavior pattern.

I also had a heart-to-heart talk with my Ku (lower self, in charge of memory) and asked him to support me in this new decision.  Muscle testing confirmed he agrees, and the program has been reset.

I hope to report back to you with better news as time goes on.